At the end of time, you sit in everlasting darkness - stuck, alone, and curious. As the nonexistent day begins, these feelings lure you to begin your journey through the corridors of time.
You hear people singing in the distance. As you get closer, you notice that it’s a musical. But, it’s Hmong music?! Time gradually moves this musical forward, transitioning you and the rest of the actors into a dance performance. You hear clapping, and you can hear bare feet moving on the cold, stone floor of the auditorium. There is synergy from this Hmong dance, even though you know that a few of the actors suck at Hmong dancing. You forget about your journey as you also begin to dance. But, conversations start to whisper into your ear. The thought of the parking lot of Firewings randomly appears in your head. You ponder. That was the first time you met Him, wasn’t it? You could even hear the song Closer by Chainsmokers playing somewhere in the distance...sadly. Before your mind pulls you into another memory, your Hmong dance partner pulls you back into reality instead. You get into the correct position. Your breathing is feeling free. It’s been awhile since you’ve Hmong danced like this. The dance comes to an end, and you see Him rush backstage to take off His traditional Hmong clothes. Looks like the play’s gonna transition to the next act real soon. You have to go backstage too, but strangely, you smell breakfast burritos? It’s the ones from Alibaba’s. Opening up the backstage curtain, there He is - sitting at a table in the restaurant, waiting for His food order. You sit next to Him with a receipt in hand, and wait for your order, too. This is where you learn a little about His family - and Him. You didn’t think He was okay with getting food before the show with you - and only you. Remember - you’re...queer! Is He okay with this? You thought He was like the other ignorant guys who misunderstood you. The conversation continues. Then, at the blink of an eye, His arm has now surprised you. You look around and you’re both back in the auditorium. You could see and hear the crowd applauding - it’s the end of the musical already. But, His warmth is quick to overpower the roar of the crowd. Would He...really get this close to you? You know it’s just an arm over your shoulder, but you begin to hear some of your conversations while transitioning to yet another moment in time. Was it these conversations that made you so close to each other, or is it the demons in your head that have been concocted by the sin of lust. The smell of ramen brings you to your senses. You look around this new environment as you begin to hear the crowd of a restaurant around you. Finally, looking across from you - there He is. He really ate ramen with you - alone. You feel your body move against time again. But, this time your tongue warps faster than your body. You begin to taste it: the miso ramen from Akebono, the thai tea ice cream popsicles He bought from SF Supermarket, the pastries from 85 degree bakery, and a hint of nervousness through it all; your ears know that your conversation with Him is steady and ongoing. All your eyes see is Him looking at you while the background formulates into another and catches up with your tongue. You can hear the conversations get more and more intimate. How many times thereafter has he caught eyes with you before - and even after? Is this what pulled you towards Him - closer and closer. The smell of Korean BBQ wakes you up from the trance of His sight. You can hear it all: the sound of plates clashing against each other, the sizzling samgyeopsal, the distinct clink from two glass cups of beer coming together, and the conversations occurring in the restaurant. However, the loudest conversation you can hear is the one with Him. Boys, girls, sex, people, places, anime, goals, past, present, future; it felt as if the conversation was never-ending. Two hours felt like an eternity in this booth. You could just look at Him in His dress shirt forever. The smoke from the barbeque started to fade as you slowly submerged into a brighter darkness. The starry night, the moon reflecting onto this small lake in the suburbs of Elk Grove, and the wind that creeps up coldly by your side while the other is warmed by His energy; it pulls you out of the booth in the Korean BBQ restaurant. There is a moment of silence as you both take in the beautiful scenery. You’re still shocked that He was okay with you taking Him on a date! You both get up from the bench and begin to walk towards the field to the right. As you get closer to the field, you notice a crowd of people. The wind begins to dissipate while the atmosphere starts getting mustier. The people in the crowd begin to look familiar. Aren’t they people you know? Once the both of you arrive to this crowd, the drop of the bass of the crowd’s music ends the somewhat-romantic night you were having with Him. It instantly changes the atmosphere. Anxiety brushes against your spine, reminding you - this is His house warming party. The smell of the lake and wet grass has transformed into the smell of different kinds of alcohol. You even start to feel it at the sole of your shoes as you walk into the crowded kitchen; trying to scrounge for something to drink due to the sudden shift into a heady, humid environment. Now, you regret drinking that cup of “water” that Larry has given you. You close your eyes as the drink’s bitterness instantly puts you into an alcoholic trance; the buzz gradually numbing your body. You peak into reality to see if the cup you drank is empty. But, a heavier smell of sweat and must that wafts through the air helps you realize that you’re back in the living room where everyone is dancing. You feel a tap on your shoulder - there He is again, and now He’s looking directly into your eyes. They speak to you, “Lets dance!” You dance - slowly letting the synergy bring the both of you together until His arm is around you. You could feel His body move as he attempts to roll his body with the beat. Yeah - you could tell He’s kind of drunk, but it’s kind of cute. The motions of this dance brings about such an ecstatic feeling that it begins to consume everything around you. He’s so close to you - you could almost kiss Him if you wanted to. What does this all mean? Does no one see this? You may as well have sex with Him. The thought triggers you to turn your back to Him. His arms are still around you, but now He’s also grinding on you. Within rhythm, you push into His pelvis. His drunk, uneven breathing tickles your neck. It feels as if you were both in this position for more than an hour, but the words to the next song breaks your rhythm. You finally turn around, but He’s quick to have His head by your’s. He speaks over the crowd and music, “You’re so good…!” These words echo, and shake away the ecstasy as He begins to walk away. It gradually cancels out the music along with the noise of everyone in the room. Everything starts fading into darkness. And then finally, it’s Him, and only Him. But, He’s getting further and further until nothing is left. That was the last time He spoke to you, the last time you saw Him. And now, you’re back again, at the end of time. You sit in everlasting darkness - stuck, alone, and still confused as before your journey began. You’re left with a bitter taste in your mouth, and it’s definitely not from the drink Larry gave you. You’re angry, frustrated, and your curiosity has piqued. What happened? Why did this happen? Did He...? Is He...? Where did He go? And after that? As the nonexistent day starts again, these feelings lure you to begin your journey through the corridors of time.
0 Comments
|
AuthorMy name is Alexander Fang. I'm a college student studying Pharmaceutical Chemistry at University of California, Davis. This site is an amalgamation of my thoughts, dreams, and the reality I live in. It will consist of my writing, mostly. ArchivesCategories |